It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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