So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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