Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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