Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
