every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
