i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
