i just wanna soil my oats bro
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
