just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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