his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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