I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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