Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
