Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
