I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
