hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
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my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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