i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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