I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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