Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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