Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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