Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
