Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
