I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
