I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
time to smoke my breakfast
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
