i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
