Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
