I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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