Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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