I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
