I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
