I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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