I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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