I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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