I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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