I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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