you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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