The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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