The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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