I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
