Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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