Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
