And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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