That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
