I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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