I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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