we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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