There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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