All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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