The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
