Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was not drunk enough for that final.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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