batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
