I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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