i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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