I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
