I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
