so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
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the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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