it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I want her autograph on my taint
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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