the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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