It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
worst night to have a conscience
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
