I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
