This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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