she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
