I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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