He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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