I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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