What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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