Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
