no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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