I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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