Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
