When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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