Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
