We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
