I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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