I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
