He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
is it fun? or sober?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
