this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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