omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
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And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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