When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
