I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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