I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
