it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
