i need an iv and a liver transplant
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
