Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
