Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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