The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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