her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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