i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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